This is Why I Am.

I had gotten really caught up in figuring out what I really wanted from life for such a long time, and since I was a child I was always asked what I wanted to be when I got older, and my answer changed so often, from being a teacher to a pilot, to engineer, to illustrator. Even now as I slowly grow closer to 30 I am still a asking myself what I want to be and where I see myself heading. There of course is no problem with asking yourself these questions, however, I have become so caught up in figuring life out instead of actually living it and enjoying what I have at present. 

I had my first son at 20 and since then I have been living with the idea that I will be able to focus on myself more when he is a little older and more independent. Since having him, I have had 2 more children and was still clinging to the idea that when the baby is older, I can get my life back. Today I actually stopped and wondered ‘get my life back from what?’ This is my life. And what if what I was meant to do when I grew up was raise three amazing boys? To be mother. I mean I always wanted to be a mother with a large enough family. I didnt have much interest in finding a long term career. So what if this was and  is my ‘destiny’? 

For too long have I been focusing on the future years and neglecting the fact that I really love being a mother.  It brings me so much joy, so why am I not embracing it enough. I am happy. That’s the key par, right? Maybe my time is now. Not when the youngest is 18 and I am packing my bags to take a ten day boat cruise to the Bahamas. Sure I would love to be an illustrator and an author of children’s book but my children are the ones who have inspired me enough to want to be those things but at the moment, this is where I am, this is who I am, this is why I am!

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