It’s been a very long time since I was genuinely happy. Full heart and soul happy. For years and years I have been deeply sad and smothered in darkness, but today I am happy.
I have begun to learn how to be happy. I may not be smiling every second of the day, and I may get angry at times however if asked, I can say that in general ‘I am happy’. I am content. I am at peace with the world around me. After years of severe depression, numerous therapy and councilling sessions, different anti depressant tablets, I turned a corner.
On a cold rainy afternoon I left my IAPT appointment with a psychologist feeling rather low and deflated. I felt really frustrated as it was and waste of time. (This wasn’t the first time that I had tried IAPT) I finally hit a brick wall where I felt that no one seems to be able to help me, and then the penny dropped. Walking back to my car I suddenly realised that I was doing something wrong. I was missing a crucial element of improving my mental well being. For so long I was reaching out for help from others such as my GP, therapists, my partner, friends, family, but I never approached the right person for help. I never asked myself for help. I never took a moment to say to myself, ‘Stephanie, you have to help me. We have to work together. We have to be strong in order to get better’, and so this is when my journey began.
To be continued…