Is it ok?

So recently i have been thinking about my childhood and my past. I have one memory that is kind of eating at me.
When i was around the ages of 8-10 i can remember not having a bed. Well i had a bed but my mattress was old and so we had to throw it out. My mother wasn’t rich or even well off. We struggled. End of. So i had to sleep with my mum for a while in her double. What really stands out about this situation was that at this time she was dating some guy. This guy layer became father to my sisters but never stuck around to bring them up. Anyway so my mum was dating. He used to come round and sometimes stay the night.

So how did this work, him staying the night?

My mum used to wake me half way through the night to put me in my room to sleep. I had no mattress.
But there was a solution. The cushions from the living room sofa. She used to make a mattress for me every so often for me to sleep on out of our worn smoky living room sofa and lay them on my bed frame. I’d hit the bare wooden slates if i tried to roll over.

I’m not sure whether i am making something out of nothing. I am not sure whether this was a perfectly acceptable thing to do. But i would never dream of taking away a bed for my child to sleep on so that i can entertain a lover. Not in a million years. I’m not even sure if i had a proper duvet to sleep with. If there isnt space for someone to sleep over than they simply cannot stay. Lover, boyfriend, friend. If ever i got that desperate than my lover and i would have to sleep on the floor in the living room.

I always remember this. I am not 100% sure why i do, but i do. And i guess deep down i hate my mum for that. There worse things that she has done but this is one memory i cannot shake that has stuck with me for a long time.

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